


Crashing In

by bamby0304



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 00:47:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16863085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bamby0304/pseuds/bamby0304
Summary: When you start to feel that familiar crashing feeling inside you, there’s only one thing, one person, who can bring you back from the dark storm that follows…





	Crashing In

**_Warnings_ ** **: Angst. Panic attack. Self-doubt. I’m just not having a great time right now, so I needed to pour it into something, and now here we are. But there’s a little bit of fluff, too, to make things better.**

**_Pairing_ ** **: Sam x Reader**

**Bamby**

You know that feeling you get when everything starts crashing in? Not crashing down, but in? Like, when a thought comes to mind, and it dredges up every tiny stupid thing you’ve done in the past…

Then your chest starts to tighten, but at the same time you heart feels hollow. You literally get dizzy, the thoughts whirling like a tornado in your head, pulling in every terrible feeling ever felt in the history of emotions. Your pulse races, despite your hollow heart. Your throat tightens next, much like your chest, making it hard to breathe.

How do you breathe, again?

Spinning and crashing and crumbling and… nothing is working. Nothing feels like it’s working. You feel like you could pass out any second. You wish that second would hurry up and come, just for the break from all the soul crushing and gut wrenching going on inside you.

Doubt. God, doubt is a horrible feeling.

So, you’re sitting there, thinking of all these horrible things, feeling stuff that feels even worse than the memories, and then it just goes from bad to Hell.

Doubt.

You doubt every decision that you’ve ever made. Every step. Every word. Every breath. You doubt yourself. Your relationships. The whole world. Were you as ridiculous as you felt? Were you as horrible as you thought? Were you as useless as you seemed? Did people just sympathise with you? Did you really have any friends? Was anything in your life ever real? Or was it just one big act of sympathy?

By now, you’re hyperventilating. At least you can breathe, that’s good, right? Wrong. One moment you’re not breathing at all. You don’t feel like you can suck in one more lung full of air. Then you’re suddenly inhaling and exhaling like a maniac, losing total control.

Let’s be honest, you’ve already lost control.

The tears are running, you’re freaking out, breathing isn’t getting any easier, that doubt is still pressing against you, the world is still spinning, everything is still crumbing, and nothing is getting better…

Oh God.

Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.

Oh God.

Oh God…

It hurts. Emotionally, mentally, physically, completely. It hurts.

You’re hurting yourself, which should make you stop, but it honestly just makes you feel that much worse.

Why can’t you get a grip? Why can’t you just deal? Why can’t you be like everyone else and take a normal breath and just be?

There’s clinical names and phrases for what’s going on inside you, but all of that is just gibberish. None of that helps you. Not in the moment you’re falling. Crumbling. Crashing. You don’t really know how to help yourself, actually.

You’d tried all the tricks. Breathing into a bag. Finding things to count. Redirecting your thoughts. Closing your eyes. Holding your breath. You’d tried everything and more, and nothing you ever did brought you back from the storm of chaos inside you. Nothing stopped that tornado from sucking in more terrible feelings and memories. It all just kept getting worse, and worse, and worse, and-

“Hey, hey, hey. Y/N?”

Hands are cupping your faces. Warm.

Eyes are staring into yours. Concerned.

A voice is calling out to you. Panicked.

He’s here.

Blinking, still totally freaking out, you look up to meet Sam’s gaze.

You try to speak, but you can’t. All you manage is a few broken sobs and some sounds that should have been words- but with your throat still so tight, nothing was coming out the way it should. You’re shaking, almost vibrating. Your head feels heavy and light at the same time. Eyes are blurring with the tears.

It’s hard. It hurts. God, this is the worst feeling in the world.

But Sam is there. He’s watching you with those concerned eyes. Talking to you with a tone that gradually calms, guiding you to do the same. And, somehow, it works.

The warmth of his hands, still cupping your face, seeps into you. It stops the shaking. It calms your pulse. It balances everything to a reasonable and manageable point.

He watches you, nodding slowly. “That’s it,” he encourages. “Just like that. You can do it. I’m here. I’ve got you. I’m here.”

When you take in another breath, it’s not completely back to normal but it’s better. You’re still shaking a little, but it’s lighter, gentler, less panicked more shocked. Your heart feels heavy again, it feels full. Your lungs are no longer burning with the rapid breaths. Your head is a little clearer, the tornado clearing to a simple cloud. Nothing it normal, but it’s better.

Smiling, Sam let’s out a breath of his own. He’s relieved. “You scared me.”

“I scared myself,” you mumble, voice shaking along with your breath. You sniffle away a tear. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, no.” He shakes his head, leaning down a little more, eyes still gazing into yours with so much emotion. “Never apologise. Not for that. That’s not your fault, okay? And there is no reason you need to apologise for it.”

“But-”

“No buts,” he cut you off, not wanting to hear whatever nonsense you were about to spout. “You panicked, and it scared the hell out of me, thought you were gonna pass out. But we got it settled. You’re okay now, right?”

Guilt welled in your chest- a feeling almost as bad as doubt. “I don’t know.”

“Well, then, we’ll just stay here, you and me, until you’re better.” He offered a gentle and caring smile. “I’m not going anywhere,” he assured you. “Okay?”

Slowly, you nodded. “Okay.”

“Good.” Leaning forward, he pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead before he brought you into his arms, wrapping you up in a close and tight hug that felt as if he was putting all the pieces inside you back together. “I love you, you know that right?”

“Sometimes… sometimes I don’t know.”

He squeezed you a little, lips pressed to the tops of your head. “Lucky I’m always happy to prove it.”

That’s how you stayed. In his arms, feeling all that doubt drift away. Sam didn’t speak, didn’t move, didn’t do anything but be there, just as he promised. And that’s how everything settled back into place, that crashing feeling inside replaced by the full warmth of Sam’s love.

**Bamby**


End file.
